An Integrated Life

Whole Life Integration

I’ve enjoyed thinking and writing here about integration of the parts of the self.  But there is more to an integrated life than the self.  Once the inner parts have come together consciously and are functioning relatively well, we’re able to pay more attention to what wants a response from us.  This self we have nurtured is, itself, part of a larger whole of family, community, nature, the whole world we live in.

In a manner of speaking, “my” life is a particular perspective on the ever changing/evolving life made up a whole multitude of perspectives.  As some of these end, new ones come into being.   We can never see the whole fabric, being one of the strands within it.  But whatever we do (or fail to do) affects all the other strands.

Just as integrating all the lost repressed and denied pieces into myself is critical to my well-being, so does the proper functioning of the whole require that we all pull together, recognizing our kinship.  This has always been true, but for the first time in our history we are able to see that our survival depends on it.  We all have work to do.  The next step after individual health and wholeness is service.

Wise woman and teacher, Jen Louden, has been devoting energy lately to exploring the concept of “Savor and Serve.”  There is  much to digest here!  I’ve found that forcing myself to serve, or serving because I “should” is neither sustainable nor all that useful.  In order to express myself through service, I must first know and accept (savor) all of who I am.

Beyond that is a need to savor all I experience.  This has to do with appreciation and love.  And it applies to everything.  It’s easy to savor a sunset.  Much harder to find appreciation for a cold, smelly inversion (one of the downsides to the climate where I live!) 

To savor doesn’t necessarily mean to like (the same is true for loving).  But like it or not, whatever is real in any given moment is what there is.  Wishing otherwise is futile.  Savoring is both affirmation and acceptance of life, itself.  It’s a profound practice, developing muscles of humility and compassion.  This makes a solid foundation for service!

Emerson Challenge #1 - What Matters

I signed up for the #trust30 challenge in celebration of Ralph Waldo Emerson's birthday.  The Domino Project is sponsoring this to highlight their republishing Self-Reliance.  There will be a prompt a day for 30 days to which you may respond by blogging, journalling or creating something (Here to sign up yourself!)  Today's prompt, from Gwen Bell, said I had 15 minutes to live, so write in that time the story that must be written.

The "story" I had to write was what I had learned in my life that I wanted to pass on to my children and grandchildren.  This is what came out.

What Matters

What matters is the feel of air on your skin, smelling what the wind brings (even if it wrinkles your nose), loving these children who grace your hands with theirs. 

What matters is breathing knowing every breath is new, eating with deep appreciation and respect. 

What matters is that you got out of bed this morning, never mind if the joints hurt a little.

What matters is the cat digging her claws into your leg for the love of it and you, the dog wanting just one more throw of the ball. 

What matters is this one's smile, that one's hug. 

What matters are all the memories packed into the cells of your body. 

What matters is singing because it feels good, stretching and feeling gravity where you are on the earth. 

What matters is the miracle of being alive, now, able to notice all these things, and knowing you are, too.

 

Creativity and Meditation

I recently tried putting together a class in which I looked for ways to increase the resilience of our inner lives as a way to better survive and even thrive within the stresses of living in a world that is changing much too rapidly for comfort.  I know the major changes in my own life, many moves, marriage, children, divorce, and death of my parents caused some big challenges to who I thought I was at the time.  Each time, I had to recreate myself, in a sense.

I looked at the things that have hleped me the most. They turned out to be a strong spiritual base (I don't mean beliefs here, more like trust) and the ability to be flexible and open.  I associate that ability with creativity.  And that's just what's needed for the process of recreating oneself!

I set out to look for the connection between the spiritual (specifically, meditation) and creativity.  I discovered a lot and became very excited about the possibilities here.  I also have realized that I cannot help others experience what might work for them just by telling them about it.  I must set up pathways that could lead people to their own discoveries, their own ways of living creatively.

So that is my work right now, creating the ways in which others may work and play and create, themselves.  Stay tuned.

On the Path to Living Creatively

On the Path to Living Creatively

More thoughts on the class I am designing.  This is not a lecture class, though there is explaining involved.  It is an exploration of ways each person’s innate creativity can help deal with the increasing complexities of our world.

Leisure is becoming a luxury for all but the very young and the retired.  Most artists have day jobs, or they teach (also a day job).  They must use every leftover minute to do their art.  But I am not talking about creativity, here, in terms of doing “art,” whatever that creative work may look like.

I am talking about the creativity that comes up with a way of responding to toddlers that actually reduces conflict between them.  Or that finds ways to approach a team project at one’s job that clears away unnecessary hassle and stress for everyone.  I’m talking about ways of enhancing the ability of each of us to live creatively.

There are tools to use, skills to develop that can help us learn how to do that.  Some time is necessary to acquire those skills.  But how much, when, and what to do with that time is, itself, open to a creative approach.  The most basic skill to being open to your own creativity is presence, the art of being fully with whatever is happening.

This is not easy in a world filled with distractions, but ways can be found.  I use the time on my exercise bike to pay attention to my breathing and to what my body is feeling.  A red light at an intersection can be a reminder to come into the present and breathe.  I’ve seen trees, birds, sunsets, other people that way.

My daughter often uses her two year old’s nap time to stop and spend some time being fully present the four year old.  (And when he is at preschool, the little one gets a turn.) Life has all the material in it for a full practice.  It just takes awareness, and reminders.

Exploring Creativity

I am preparing a class on enhancing creativity, little knowing what bottomless topics this touches on!  Being by nature metaphysically inclined, I waded into such areas as What is Art?  What is Reality?  Possibly relevant, certainly fascinating, but Oh, my!

First, we perceive, then we strive to communicate what it was we saw (or heard, smelled, tasted, felt, or thought about).  For no one else will see quite the same thing in quite the same way, nor will we, again.  To do this we need a symbol, with some commonly understood meaning.

We are perhaps the only Earth species to base our lives and our being on meaning – which we create (or accepted from others’ creating).  It’s like seeing through filters we have placed over the lens.  Where, what is the reality?  By asking the question, we see more, we create more meaning (new filters).  Are the filters real?  Or the world beyond the filters? 

The answer, according to Zen master John Daido Loori, is yes.  To both.  They are different and they are the same.   Absolute and relative constitute one reality of time ad space and emptiness.  This is the Non-dual understanding, which goes beyond a dismissal of the everyday and the symbolic as not “real.”  Actually, it’s all good, all one, Art and Life, and the Still Point where they meet and creation can happen.

I can say this and believe it abstractly.  I even (once in a blue moon) can experience it.  But I cannot understand it!  According to Loori, this is as it should be.  It is the truth that passeth understanding.  Process is all.

Which brings me back to where my mind took off, thinking of art, perspective and creativity (but with much more humility!).  We can maybe never see completely (as Paul said, only through a glass darkly).  But we are compelled to keep looking, and through this, creating.  This would appear to be our job on this planet!

A Post-Christmas Thought

The day came and went, whatever the meaning of it.  Perhaps its meaning, like all meaning, is an infinity of possible meanings, all true, none true.  As a koan, it has succeeded in shattering my mid into confusion, incomprehension, almost surrender.

Christmas day arrived, passed over and turned to night.  We came together, shared food, gifts, conversation.  We tried our best to be real, to give of ourselves and our love.  And, being human, we felt ourselves a bit short at times.

Just now the sun is shining, after clouds and rain.  I feel I have learned something profound, but can’t quite figure out what it was.  Perhaps it’s enough to know that I love all of us, myself included, with all our wounds and imperfections.

What's In A Christmas?

What is Christmas, anyway?  A solstice celebration appropriated by the early Christian church, A cultural memory of traditions cementing bonds of family and friendship, the original trilogy of mommy, daddy and baby, an emphasis on peace and good will, generosity, giving, and most of all love.

 The question was prompted as an exploration of my desire and need, this year in particular, to hang on to the traditions of my childhood.  Christmas was a huge, extended family event.  I loved the music, the decorations, the tree, the food.  Most of all, I loved the early morning hours, before others arrived, with just me and my parents.  There was intimacy and abundance and all really was right in my world.

 This Christmas, with both parents gone, has brought up lots of grief and loss and all the old memories.  Then life proceeded to shake me up a bit.  I am not in charge of the dinner this year, and suddenly I find out the menu has been changed!  No turkey, no dressing, no cranberries, no mashed potatoes and gravy – the first Christmas in my whole life without these things!  I was devastated and outraged.  So I listened and sympathized with that outraged little girl, and told her I would make sure it didn’t happen next year when I would cook the family dinner.

 Then, two days before Christmas, I heard that some people I know only slightly had been invited to dinner.  Another change, another shock, and another chance to look at all my assumptions and expectations.  ‘It won’t feel like Christmas!’  (Hence the above question, ‘What is Christmas, anyway?’

 I noticed that, at an early age I had created my own religion around Christmas.  I did have a real sense of the vertical dimension cutting through horizontal time at that still point when God enters the world again and again, bringing the promise of peace and safety and love.  Looking at it from this perspective, what I eat and who shares the meal are incidental so long as I remember and live within that promise.

 Merry Christmas (or whatever your particular promise is called)!

My life, anyone's life, is always a work in progress. And it's never over 'til it's over (so far as we can know). So whether one's own or another's, what can anyone say about it? As I begin to get the hang of thinking of life in terms of motion rather than fixed entities, this becomes a bit more clear, and former difficulties suddenly seem to lose relevance.

For example, take that common troublesome belief, 'I'm not good enough.' Aside from problems of clarity (good enough for what? for whom?), there is now the question of when is this true of the I in question? At what precise moment is my breathing or eating or thinking or writing or sleeping or washing dishes, etc. lacking something? How can anything be said, or any judgment made about this self who is being constantly created and recreated? That old concern has become meaningless!

Wholeness and Love

Looking again at the idea of an integrated life:  What does that mean?  How do you achieve it?  Why is it important?  What is to be gained?  What gets in the way?  And so on.

After a long hiatus to regroup my own life, it seems a good time to revisit some of those questions.

An integrated life, to me, is a life which is complete and whole, not fragmented or alienated from itself, consciously or not.  One of my favorite quotes from college days is from Soren Kierkegaard, "In loving, one must be sufficient unto oneself."  I felt the truth of this, but wasn't sure exactly what it meant or how to go about doing it.  Now I know it has to do with wholeness, or what I call an integrated self.

This whole self contains and is contained in love.  Being complete in itself, it needs nothing.  Loving, then, becomes a matter of sharing, rather than needing or taking or giving away.

In wholeness, love is always available.  Accessing this is just a matter of awakening to that knowledge.

Easier said than done, I know!  But awakening is not a state, I have learned, but a process, an activity.  It requires noticing, building a habit of being aware.  This is a process, a practice.  Just like meditating, when you realize attention has wandered or you have zoned out, just bring it back again.  Again and again, notice this, notice this. 

And pay attention to what you notice!  Every feeling, every thought, whether it makes you smile or cringe, is there, real, just needing to be acknowledged (NOT judged).  Also pay attention to the gifts you receive: beauty in your surroundings, a piece of music, the smile of a friend, the smile of someone you don't yet know, even a painful experience that brings learning.

Ever Integrating

I started this blog with the idea of exploring and learning how to create and live an integrated life.  I took the concept, loosely, from Carl Jung’s sense of integrating the various parts of the personality, envisioning a goal of “getting it all together!”

 

I have done plenty of integrating in my life, with positive results.  But I’m beginning to see the integrating as an ongoing process rather than a goal to be accomplished.  In fact, I am noticing that life, itself, is constant motion.  I am both part of this and aware of this at the same time. 

 

In order to manage such an amazing feat, we all create categories of entities, identities, and concepts of how they all relate in our experience.  Life becomes a cascading kaleidoscope of perceptions, shifting not only as the situation changes, but also as our beliefs about the situation change.

 

I admit, this is getting into rather abstract philosophy, but I find that when I come from this perspective (which is only occasionally, but meditation helps!), how I experience my life tends to be different.  I am less at the mercy of my reactions.

 

For example, now that I am taking care of my 91 year old father, I can easily slip into old patterns and responses.  When I find myself getting angry or frustrated or depressed, I can step out, just a little, to look at what is happening, how it mirrors the past, how the beliefs about myself and about him in relationship came from understandings I created long ago from the very limited perspective of the child.

 

This way,  I can see how his understanding and mine are based on interpretations of what is going on now and what was going on long ago.  Interpretations are not the reality.  Remembering this, I am free to explore and compare and find new interpretations.

 

Such is not to say I just make the anger go away in that moment.  But the greater my perspective becomes (which means what I think about who I am, who he is, and what our respective lives mean), the greater my sense of being grounded and sane in the present.  I can forgive him, and just as importantly, forgive myself.