A few days ago I heard the comment that when we are coming from a place of abundance, generosity just flows naturally - there is no need to do or try anything. This struck me because it was said with such a matter of fact authority. This was no truism, but experience speaking, and I heard it from my own experience. In the next couple of days I noticed it happening to me on three different occasions. I was impressed, because I grew up with a certain amount of scarcity and worry, and I know I still carry those habits.
I had been feeling loss ever since my mother's death, and those feelings have intensified as the holidays approach. So I've been grumpy. Yet in each of these situations, I was able to step back, notice what was going on - my own pain and anger, and the other person's real need. My own need seemed to melt away and a spontaneous generosity took over. I ended up feeling much happier - and much more abundant.
How did that happen? Recognizing, acknowledging and in some way expressing my own need was key. Caring for myself frees me to care for others. I made use of what Thich Nhat Hanh calls the miracle of mindfulness to look at the pain and recognize the belief behind it. In Buddhist terms this means noticing suffering, then looking to see what is causing the suffering. In this case, I was believing that my mother's death was depriving me of her love, creating a scarcity, which was causing me to suffer. The next step was to step back from the belief, without judgement, to look at it. David Bohm calls this a suspension of the assumption, enabling one to see it. Byron Katie uses the same method, asking the question, Is it true?
Since I was working with old habits of thought, having exposed this assumption many times before, they dissolved easily, leaving the far more useful assumption of abundance. The particular manifestation which was my mother is gone. But her love, and all the gifts she gave me are present within me. I can never lose that.
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