Integration: Goal or Part of the Process?

I used to assume (as recently as when I started this blog) that an integrated life was a goal to achieve (if one was not there, yet) in order to be healthy and wise and ready to go forth. That fits the old Western paradigm of mechanistic thought (we're not working, we get fixed, then we're OK). It just doesn't fit reality. Integration is part of a process of growth, which is the unfolding of life, itself. That unfolding ends, so far as we know, only with the end of one's life. One can, however, get waylaid, sidetracked or just plain stuck along the way.

Looked at from this perspective, my own life's progress makes a whole lot more sense. Many times I have seemingly arrived, only to find myself struggling with a whole new situation. I've not failed or fallen back so much as moved on to new challenges. I was not even able to see these challenges from where I was before!

It all starts with noticing a discrepancy between the way we assume the world to be, and how we experience that world. Enough discomfort, with a little support from those who love us, and insights will appear which reveal a truer picture. Now these insights may seem wonderful or a little scary or both, but while we can sense the truth in them, they won't make much difference until we manage to integrate them into our lives. This is the work of paying attention to every behavior and emotion to see whether they are based on the new insight or an old belief. Just doing this (without judgement!) will begin the process of reprogramming what are essentially reflexes. Eventually, we will suddenly notice that we are reacting to things in a very different way that before. (This usually feels a little magical, even though a lot of time and energy may have gone into getting here!)

Now we may think we have arrived. It's good to enjoy and reap some rewards. But eventually there will be some things that don't quite work, don't seem to fit the scheme of things, and discomfort has returned. And so the process repeats. According to the experts (see Robert Kegan, The Evolving Self) the further we go, the more difficult these transitions become. So if we have our hearts set on a smooth ride, we're apt to be disappointed, to say the least.

Buddhist wisdom says that clinging and grasping cause suffering. Trying to hang on to those smooth places and avoid the difficult ones, besides being futile, will increase pain. Sometimes the fear of change is so great, we can't move: we're stuck. When this happens we may need to enlist professional help. The human psyche is very complex and our fears can be powerful. Over time, I have learned more and more to let go and just try to appreciate the whole process. My life has become much easier, the transitions have become more interesting and less fearful. I laugh and I smile more. Occasionally, I even approach equanimity.

Comments

[Peggy Jordan]

Lynn,
What a lovely way of putting this. And funny how even though this post was written months ago, it just happens to reflect the main message we both listened to in last night's presentation about how "the edge of chaos" is the gateway to growing.

[Lynne Tolk]

That whirlwind presentation on chaos and self organizing systems brought back to me the little I had read on this, years ago, in Margaret Wheatley's books. I'm going back to do some see what I can see relevant to the integrating/growing life of the self. Stay tuned.