An Integrated Life

Reality as Process

The thing about change is that it is not about your being in a certain state, then change puts you into another state. This is a habit of thought. Thought puts reality into categories as "things" in order to understand and gain some power over these "things."

Reality IS change IS actually a process of ongoing potential, which we may or may not pursue in any given moment. And even the concept of a "given moment" is misleading, like pulling a note from a song - useful perhaps, but doesn't give you a sense of the song, itelf.

We tend to think we are born, grow into a "person" who has experiences which may cause some transformation, intentional or not, to the original, and then die. This is our most common myth of who we are. But it doesn't tell the real story, any more than separating those notes out from a song can tell us about the song.

So what is this "real" story? Can we know? Our very thinking is so structured according to the fragmentation/pieces model. But there have been insights which can begin to bring us a little closer to something different.

First, there is nothing about us that is separate. Even the body, easiest to objectify, is in constant motion, changing as cells die and new ones are born, from conception to death.

Second, as the cells come into being, grow, decay and die, the whole process is affected by and dependent on elements which are "separate" from the body (such as oxygen molecules, nutrients, micro-organisms, etc.) Can we really say where we begin and leave off, even just physically?

And once we move into the interior, intangible aspects of who we consider this "self" to be, boundaries become even fuzzier. Sure, I can't know what you are thinking, or experience what you are feeling. But so many "others" have influenced what it is I am thinking and feeling, never mind creating the very possibility of my existence! Thich Nhat Hanh created a word to express this concept: he says we "inter-are."

Why bother to understand and express this concept? My experience of my life gets easier and less stressful to the extent I can rest in a perspective that not only gives meaning to the whole, but also relieves the stress of feeling isolated, vulnerable and supposed to "fix" things.

(This is not to deny responsibility! Responsibility, after all, is really about the ability to respond to whatever is required in a situation - something I am far better able to do when I'm not stressed by focusing on too narrow a sense of self.)

Abundance and Generosity

A few days ago I heard the comment that when we are coming from a place of abundance, generosity just flows naturally - there is no need to do or try anything. This struck me because it was said with such a matter of fact authority. This was no truism, but experience speaking, and I heard it from my own experience. In the next couple of days I noticed it happening to me on three different occasions. I was impressed, because I grew up with a certain amount of scarcity and worry, and I know I still carry those habits.

More Than a Self

What is a "life" anyway, integrated or not? To step back a bit, all wholes are made of parts, and are themselves parts of even greater wholes. This is the structure of the universe. The creative process involves making structure, sometimes from old structure, sometimes from chaos. It reveals to us the interconnection of all things. What a system!

This entity I call myself is a structure created by my mind to serve as a kind of interface between what I perceive and experience, and the conscious awareness of those perceptions and experiences. This self is composed of many parts (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual - not to mention all the many parts it acts out in dreams!). And it interacts with other selves to for larger wholes (family, friends, community, nation, world, etc.), which, of course, are themselves parts of wholes.

All this works exceptionally well, but when I identify with the structure (of self), and believe that is who/what/all that I am (which we all tend to do), I get caught up in fears over "my" end, worries over how successful "I" am, anger towards other selves who compete with "me" or threaten what is "mine."

Bring along the wounded parts

A young child (in a supportive environment) explores all of his or her experiences - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual - then strives to interpret those experiences and weave them into his or her life story. This process never stops, but there can be wounds along the way. According to Ken Wilber, those wounded parts that do not heal are unable to grow along with the rest, and future integration will not be complete.

A therapist once told me I was very advanced mentally and spiritually, but not as far along emotionally. I worked with her on getting more aware of my emotions and understanding their roots better. As my emotionaly life become freer, spiritual insights also grew, in turn helping to release old fears. Now, when an old habit response comes up, I can notice, look more closely at what I really feel about the situation at hand, and just let go of what no longer applies. In this way I integrate the new information and rewrite the story of who I am. Such is the (difficult but rewarding) work of transformation.